Reflections & the Future

Well, here we are about 2 days out from my due date, our little girl could come at anytime.  It's funny to think that 32 years ago my mom celebrated her birthday then later that night went into labor and had me the next morning. Yes, my birthday is tomorrow.  I must say that with my brothers birthday being the 11th, moms the 12th, mine the 13th, I was shocked when we were given the due date of January 14th. What a little tradition we have started in our family. But here we go, no turning back now. She will arrive soon and our lives will be changed forever, our dream of being parents finally coming true.  I honestly can't wait.  Funny to think that a year ago, I was looking for a new job that led to the pregnancy.  My world had been turned upside down but in a different way.  K and I both celebrated our birthdays and talked as we always do of our hopes, goals, dreams for the year.  Here we were hoping for an adoption and discussing changing agencies while in the background a different plan was forming for us. Never in a million years would I have guessed last year, that a year from then I would be due to give birth to our first child.  I just didn't think it was in the cards for us. But here we are.

I love being pregnant but who wants to be pregnant forever?  I am ready to meet the little squirmy baby who kicks all night long and sleeps all day long. I can't wait for the memories we will make together. The mother/daughter bond that is so strong between me and my mom that I can't wait to build it with her. To see who she looks like, her personality, likes, dislikes.  I know from the moment she is born I will worry about her, her future husband, kids, etc till the day I die.  While children move out and grow up you never do stop worrying about them and wanting the best for them.  I also wonder what type of parents we will be. Pushovers? Strict? The perfect balance?  Will I be proud when I look back 30 years from now and know that we did it the right way?  Will we learn from our friends and do what we think is best whether others agree or not? K and I have some new roles to develop and define and I'm sure it will take some getting used to. 

Our world is about to be turned upside down but for the better, we are entering a new stage of life and I really can't wait.  So tomorrow my birthday wish is for the safe and healthy delivery of my little girl and that her grand entrance into the world and my recovery all go smoothly whenever she decides to make her entrance. 

Behold the Nursery!

The work in progress I would say is just about done. We could use a few more pictures and the lamp will be arriving with Gramma but I can't believe I originally painted it over 5 years ago when we first started trying to start our family. My thought process was paint it before you get pregnant, little did I know it would be almost 5.5 years later when our little one would actually come home to the room. As you can probably tell the room is a Dr. Seuss theme. I love Dr. Seuss and this just seemed so appropriate for a nursery especially since when we began this project we didn't know if we would have a girl or boy. So the room is painted Lime Sherbet. Around the top which is hard to see in the photos are the titles of some of my favorite Dr. Seuss books. I wrote them up there with permanent marker but the effect looks like I used crayons which is perfect for a babies room.  The rest of the decorations are things I have been collecting since I was little from the books to the figurines to the stuff animals.  The orange rocker which looks completely out of place is from K's college days. We actually have 2 but this one is more comfy. No sense in buying new when we have things in the basement that can be used. And the dresser is also K's from his childhood, we refinished it about 7 years ago and it just happened to match the crib we picked out.

THE WELCOMING HOME CREW

NOTICE THE CAT SPORTING A DENVER BRONCOS TUTU MADE BY A FRIEND

THE CHANGING TABLE/MY SEWING MACHINE CABINET

Looking Back and The Road Not Taken

It is January 2nd and at this time of year most people are setting their resolutions that will soon be broken in days, weeks or months. I'm sure most people can't even say what their resolutions were last year.  I really have no resolutions this year besides enjoying every minute of everyday no matter how hard or easy it may be. 

Today I am reflecting back on our Journey.  So many people are so bitter about the last year. It is very puzzling to K and I.  Even though we have had tremendous set backs in years past we still look at all the positives that have come about and how they have helped us grow.  We are less than 12 days out from our life changing event of having a baby. She really could come any day now.  Throughout, our journey I have always referenced the poem The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.  It is was one of my favorites.

Robert Frost (1874–1963).  Mountain Interval.  1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

Why does this poem mean so much to me?  Well with my own little take on it I always looked at our journey as 2 paths. Most people hop on the easy clear path to reach their goal but ours was a path that was not taken by many and had many divisions and splits and sometimes, just when the path would seem like it was going to cross the much cleaner easier path it would veer off again in a new direction.  But ultimately we are reaching our goal.  Our family is starting, does this mean our journey has ended, nope. It just means we are getting on a new path. Will it be clean and clear who knows.  I know it will have bumps along the way but if it was all clean and easy we wouldn't appreciate the journey and that is what makes us stronger.  Our journey here along the unknown path has made us stronger as a couple, as individuals and as soon to be mother and father.  We've learned a sense of patience that some dream of and I know that will have a huge role in how we parent. While the journey has been tough I am thankful for it, I know tons of people who wouldn't have survived a few days of it.  I wouldn't be the person I am today without it and looking back, I wouldn't change anything. Sometimes you just have to take the tougher road to get to the goal.  And here we are, the goal is arriving any day now.

I Will Be A Wonderful Mother!

I saw this on another board about 3 years ago. No one knew who the author was so I have no one to give credit to but I think it is wonderful and very fitting for our journey.

I WILL BE A WONDERFUL MOTHER

There are women who become mothers without effort, 

without thought, 

without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore,
and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Reality Check

So this week we went on the big hospital tour. It was actually pretty short and just gave us the ins and outs of where to go when the time comes to deliver this baby. It was actually the first time I had been up to Bergan to see their maternity ward.  Most of my friends in the past have delivered at Methodist or Lakeside.  So it will be a new experience.  What surprised me the most about the tour was the other people who hadn't decided what hospital they would deliver at. They were actually going on multiple tours to compare.  K and I actually discussed what they would compare because isn't the most important thing your doctor if they can make it and the care for your child.  Not how the room looks, room service and what the snack room provides?  I guess to each their own.

Anyways, I had a touch of reality when we went into the delivery room.  I just had that moment of picturing us there and that this would be the room (or one similar) we would welcome our daughter into this world.  I almost got teary eyed just standing their thinking about it. And before you blame it on crazy pg hormones I have not had any of those this pg so pretty sure it was reality setting in.  Also, knowing that we only have about 21 days left.  Although, at my last 2 doctor visits our little girl is not ready to come out yet.  I still have a feeling she will arrive on a day that it is snowing and so far this is what the farmers almanac predicts:

JANUARY 2011: temperature 23 ° (3 ° below avg.); precipitation 0.5" (0.5" below avg.); Jan 1-3: Sunny, turning mild; Jan 4-8: Rain to snow, then sunny, seasonable; Jan 9-13: Flurries, very cold; Jan 14-19: Snow showers, very cold; Jan 20-24: Snow, then sunny, bitter cold; Jan 25-31: Snow, then sunny, turning milder.

 

Of course my mom saw this and she still thinks she's gonna come on the 12th.  I think I might have to evict her on the 14th but we shall see what happens in the next 21 days. Babies do come when they want to. 

Worms Galore!

So I fired the worm compost bin back up again, since I lovingly killed the last batch by feeding them gobs of citrus peels.  Citrus peels are really bad for worms, I figured that out when they were all dead.  This time, I did more research and so far the 1,000 plus red wigglers seem to be adjusting well to their new home.  K of course is afraid I will turn his house into a compost bin as I've been saving food scraps here and there for them.  But I'm excited to see this thing really start working.  While I'm not super, super, crunchy as my friends like to say I do like to recycle and this seems like a pretty easy way to recycle waste from the kitchen while making compost for my garden and plants. 

Here is my worms home, I have this in stylish green.

And this is what my worms look like. Kind of gross huh?  Don't worry they kind of gross me out to. But they do the job.

Time to Catch Up!

Wow, I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted. So much has gone on.  My iron levels have finally risen and are holding steady. My platelet count is bouncing around but has not hit the "danger zone" yet so all is good there.  Today I am 36 weeks!  Amazing how fast time has gone by and that we have 4 or less weeks left.  At my appointment yesterday, she is still measuring right on track which is great.

So over the last month, I had a fabulous little shower with my girlfriends hosted by Shannon B. The theme was Dr. Seuss.  Check out the super cute cake pops and goodies we had.

The day after my shower we headed to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving to spend time with my side of the family. We had a great visit with the temperatures being over 80 for most of the visit.  The only negative was I only brought 2 t-shirts as the weather channel had said it was going to be cold. Needless to say those 2 shirts got worn a lot!

After we returned home it was December and so began our Christmas parties, cookie exchanges, etc.  We had our annual Christmas party with KC & JC.  It was very entertaining this year and we had a great turnout considering the weather was nasty. Amazingly we are done with all of our parties until January and now just have a week to relax before Christmas.  My goal this week is really to put the finishing touches on the nursery, I am having a terrible time finding a lampshade that I like that doesn't cost a fortune. We'll see what I can come up with.