You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!

Ah, one of my favorite lines from a movie.  But this line is how K and I have felt many times over the last 6 years during our struggles to get pregnant, adopt and all that other good stuff.  This post is entirely dedicated to all of the dumb, rude, insensitive comments/advice that friends, family, strangers, etc have made to us.  While we are nice people and never gave them an appropriate comeback which would have made us feel better and belittled them, we instead took their comments and confided and complained to each other.  The funny thing is only about 2 people out of all of our friends and family actually knew every single thing we were doing.  Everyone else just speculated and made their own assumptions and comments.  Some of you reading these may have even said some of this stuff to us.  But all I can hope for is that those reading these things will watch what they say before they make a comment like the ones you are about to read to someone. Because while the friend may chuckle and smile it is fake. I know some people make these comments thinking they are helping but even the friend who thinks she knows everything probably doesn't so keep that in mind. Trust me, if we want your advice, we'll ask.

-You are thinking to much about this
-You need to relax
-Are you sticking it in the right hole
-I bet I could have sex with your wife and get her pregnant
-You should have sex with my husband, he'd definitely knock you up
-Maybe your husband should have sex with me and I can just carry your baby
-You should go on a vacation, everyone gets pregnant on vacation
-I told my friend about your issues, and she told her friend who is a infertility doctor and she would be happy to see you as she is better than your doctor
-Have you looked at going to Minnesota, I hear they have a buy 2 get 1 free deal on IVF
-My coworkers daughter went to a clinic in Denver and she's pg now. Here is their number
-We could be in your "situation"
-Aren't you glad you didn't adopt now that you are pregnant
-You should pray about it
-I just know this is your year (this was said for 4 years straight by the same person)
-My kids were driving me crazy today so I almost called you to see if you wanted to adopt them
-Don't you think you should get a second opinion
-Why wouldn't you do IVF before adoption
-There is no way this issue is K's as that doesn't happen in our family
-I'm not getting any younger
-I want to be a grandparent before I die
-Don't you want kids, you are getting older
-God had a plan, he didn't want you to adopt
-Don't you wish that the birth mom would just forget she had the child and disappear
-Don't you want your child to look like you
-We're really glad you didn't adopt, we weren't to keen on it to begin with
-It's gonna be a boy? I really wanted a girl
-Was this a natural pregnancy
-Do you think that changing your diet is really worth the hassle
-You wouldn't know, you don't have kids
-Have you considered surrogacy
-Oh, you're on another one of your diets....
-Do you think all these pills and teas are worth it
-I don't see how acupuncture could help
-I thought for sure you would have kids by now
-Why haven't you heard anything with the adoption
-Maybe you should try another agency, my friend used.....and they got a call within a few weeks
-Are you sure all of these issues aren't just in your head
-Maybe you aren't having enough sex
-Charting won't tell you anything
-I think you are reading to much about different issues you could be facing
-I wouldn't even consider adopting until I had done IVF
-Maybe you just aren't meant to have kids
-I think I have infertility, we've been trying for a few months and I'm not pregnant yet, last time it happened on the first try
-You wouldn't have a shower if you adopted right?
-What? We thought you had already done IVF since you were adopting.
-Having your own child will be a lot better than adopting
-Said by a Nurse while a child was having a melt down in the lobby: And that is why you don't want to have kids, she then proceeds to read my chart that notes all my infertility, but says nothing more
-Must be nice not to have to worry about a babysitter
-You should attend church
-I wouldn't care about the costs if it meant I could have my own child
-Did you hear so-and-so is pg, she did IVF and got pg the first try, you should do it
-You are going to adopt a white baby right
-Do you think the child that you adopt will look like you
-I wouldn't want to have to visit the birth mother or give her updates

Well, that about sums it up.  There are more and I'm sure we'll get a few comments after our daughter is born.  People just can't resist making those comments.

Getting ready to expire

It's odd, we are really coming full circle.  We just passed the deadline to begin redoing our adoption paperwork.  I think our home study will officially expire right around when the baby is due. Funny how that works.  It is scary though, knowing how much work and effort we put into our home study, bio, photo books etc. and knowing they will all be no good and yet we aren't holding our child yet.  Some are probably thinking, but you are 31 weeks along, whats the big deal.  I think we both have the I won't believe it till I see her mindset.  Maybe that is why we haven't even discussed names.  Even though she kicks away at my stomach day and night and I'm obviously growing, it's hard to believe our dream of having a child is getting closer and closer.  I think its closer than we even realize.  It's funny we told everyone we were adopting on January 11th and this baby is due January 14th.

Reorganization

In the last few weeks I have been reorganizing our house.  We've lived here for 8.5 years and it probably needed to be done about 4 years ago.  Amazing the amount of junk that builds up in cupboards and unfinished basements that you will never use again or just really aren't sure how it got there.  That seems to be our case plus add in stuff our parents give to us that they don't want to throw away.  We've been making some real progress. 1/3 of the basement is clean and organized.  The upstairs is still a mess as I switch clothes from one room to the next and clean out closets. 

During this process I came across our list of boys names we had picked out for the adoption.  It was interesting to look back on that list.  We never committed to a name, I guess even then we had some misgivings of whether it would actually happen or not.  I think we are kind of in the same situation although this one will definitely be happening.  We have yet to discuss any girl names.  We have 10 weeks~probably less~of this pregnancy left.  I think we definitely need a name picked out by December 1st. Personally, I think picking a name is one of the hardest parts.  Some people have their names from the day they got married or they use juniors, name them after someone etc.  Not us.  We like the unusual, prefer no top 10 names, has to pass K's rhyme test, etc.  I'm not sure what we will pick but it probably won't be the norm and of course we will keep it a secret until she is born.