You shut your mouth when you're talking to me!

Ah, one of my favorite lines from a movie.  But this line is how K and I have felt many times over the last 6 years during our struggles to get pregnant, adopt and all that other good stuff.  This post is entirely dedicated to all of the dumb, rude, insensitive comments/advice that friends, family, strangers, etc have made to us.  While we are nice people and never gave them an appropriate comeback which would have made us feel better and belittled them, we instead took their comments and confided and complained to each other.  The funny thing is only about 2 people out of all of our friends and family actually knew every single thing we were doing.  Everyone else just speculated and made their own assumptions and comments.  Some of you reading these may have even said some of this stuff to us.  But all I can hope for is that those reading these things will watch what they say before they make a comment like the ones you are about to read to someone. Because while the friend may chuckle and smile it is fake. I know some people make these comments thinking they are helping but even the friend who thinks she knows everything probably doesn't so keep that in mind. Trust me, if we want your advice, we'll ask.

-You are thinking to much about this
-You need to relax
-Are you sticking it in the right hole
-I bet I could have sex with your wife and get her pregnant
-You should have sex with my husband, he'd definitely knock you up
-Maybe your husband should have sex with me and I can just carry your baby
-You should go on a vacation, everyone gets pregnant on vacation
-I told my friend about your issues, and she told her friend who is a infertility doctor and she would be happy to see you as she is better than your doctor
-Have you looked at going to Minnesota, I hear they have a buy 2 get 1 free deal on IVF
-My coworkers daughter went to a clinic in Denver and she's pg now. Here is their number
-We could be in your "situation"
-Aren't you glad you didn't adopt now that you are pregnant
-You should pray about it
-I just know this is your year (this was said for 4 years straight by the same person)
-My kids were driving me crazy today so I almost called you to see if you wanted to adopt them
-Don't you think you should get a second opinion
-Why wouldn't you do IVF before adoption
-There is no way this issue is K's as that doesn't happen in our family
-I'm not getting any younger
-I want to be a grandparent before I die
-Don't you want kids, you are getting older
-God had a plan, he didn't want you to adopt
-Don't you wish that the birth mom would just forget she had the child and disappear
-Don't you want your child to look like you
-We're really glad you didn't adopt, we weren't to keen on it to begin with
-It's gonna be a boy? I really wanted a girl
-Was this a natural pregnancy
-Do you think that changing your diet is really worth the hassle
-You wouldn't know, you don't have kids
-Have you considered surrogacy
-Oh, you're on another one of your diets....
-Do you think all these pills and teas are worth it
-I don't see how acupuncture could help
-I thought for sure you would have kids by now
-Why haven't you heard anything with the adoption
-Maybe you should try another agency, my friend used.....and they got a call within a few weeks
-Are you sure all of these issues aren't just in your head
-Maybe you aren't having enough sex
-Charting won't tell you anything
-I think you are reading to much about different issues you could be facing
-I wouldn't even consider adopting until I had done IVF
-Maybe you just aren't meant to have kids
-I think I have infertility, we've been trying for a few months and I'm not pregnant yet, last time it happened on the first try
-You wouldn't have a shower if you adopted right?
-What? We thought you had already done IVF since you were adopting.
-Having your own child will be a lot better than adopting
-Said by a Nurse while a child was having a melt down in the lobby: And that is why you don't want to have kids, she then proceeds to read my chart that notes all my infertility, but says nothing more
-Must be nice not to have to worry about a babysitter
-You should attend church
-I wouldn't care about the costs if it meant I could have my own child
-Did you hear so-and-so is pg, she did IVF and got pg the first try, you should do it
-You are going to adopt a white baby right
-Do you think the child that you adopt will look like you
-I wouldn't want to have to visit the birth mother or give her updates

Well, that about sums it up.  There are more and I'm sure we'll get a few comments after our daughter is born.  People just can't resist making those comments.

Getting ready to expire

It's odd, we are really coming full circle.  We just passed the deadline to begin redoing our adoption paperwork.  I think our home study will officially expire right around when the baby is due. Funny how that works.  It is scary though, knowing how much work and effort we put into our home study, bio, photo books etc. and knowing they will all be no good and yet we aren't holding our child yet.  Some are probably thinking, but you are 31 weeks along, whats the big deal.  I think we both have the I won't believe it till I see her mindset.  Maybe that is why we haven't even discussed names.  Even though she kicks away at my stomach day and night and I'm obviously growing, it's hard to believe our dream of having a child is getting closer and closer.  I think its closer than we even realize.  It's funny we told everyone we were adopting on January 11th and this baby is due January 14th.

Reorganization

In the last few weeks I have been reorganizing our house.  We've lived here for 8.5 years and it probably needed to be done about 4 years ago.  Amazing the amount of junk that builds up in cupboards and unfinished basements that you will never use again or just really aren't sure how it got there.  That seems to be our case plus add in stuff our parents give to us that they don't want to throw away.  We've been making some real progress. 1/3 of the basement is clean and organized.  The upstairs is still a mess as I switch clothes from one room to the next and clean out closets. 

During this process I came across our list of boys names we had picked out for the adoption.  It was interesting to look back on that list.  We never committed to a name, I guess even then we had some misgivings of whether it would actually happen or not.  I think we are kind of in the same situation although this one will definitely be happening.  We have yet to discuss any girl names.  We have 10 weeks~probably less~of this pregnancy left.  I think we definitely need a name picked out by December 1st. Personally, I think picking a name is one of the hardest parts.  Some people have their names from the day they got married or they use juniors, name them after someone etc.  Not us.  We like the unusual, prefer no top 10 names, has to pass K's rhyme test, etc.  I'm not sure what we will pick but it probably won't be the norm and of course we will keep it a secret until she is born.

29er!

Today is October 29th and coincidentally I am exactly 29 weeks!  Very odd.  I like today not because anything special has ever happened on it but because it is the day before some great things/changes have happened in my life.  Things that have changed the course of our lives. I think of the what ifs and if I hadn't done some of these things how different my life could be right now.

11 years ago today I didn't know my life was about 24 hours away from the most exciting police ride along LPD has ever had for an intern and meeting the man of my dreams/future husband/my babies daddy. (And here I thought about canceling and not going.)

7 years ago today K and I carved a ton of pumpkins for our upcoming Halloween party.  Little did I know that one of the ones I carved in 24ish hours would hold the most beautiful engagement ring as K proposed to me on the front porch.

6 years ago K and I were at our wedding rehearsal then onto dinner with our family and friends as we prepared for the big day.

4 years ago K and I sat at a Denver Broncos game watching out team get beat in the last minute by the Colts who would go on to win the Super Bowl that season.

3 years ago K and I were at our 1st Monday night football game and watched Denver get beat in overtime by the Packers. And no Farve didn't take the team to the super bowl that year.  After the game we spent a lot of time discussing the rest of the paperwork we needed to finish and the decisions we needed to make to get the adoption process started.  A new journey that was awaiting us.

This year I sit here amazed at my little round belly that is bouncing away with kicks from our baby girl.  I can't imagine that in 11ish weeks I will be holding her.  Amazing how a police ride along 11 years ago leads to all of this. 

Relaxation and Meditation!

This week I had my monthly acupuncture appointment.  I love going. It's like a mini advice session if you are dealing with any issues, then of course the needles and relaxation.  I really feel that part of my journey with acupuncture is what made our IVF cycle successful. I know a lot of people think it's hocus pocus but it does teach you to release unnecessary stress and go to your happy place and I really like the holistic process of healing if possible. 

So here is a little more background on my acupuncture and our journey.

Before I started acupuncture I had been doing some self pressure point applications or whatever you want to call it and starting to meditate but wasn't really getting it or figuring out how to relax and release.  Next I started with 13 moons which helped but I still felt like I wasn't releasing enough.  I started reading a couple of books that Donna recommended and within them I was led to a website call Anji on here she had 2 free meditations which I started doing and a newsletter that I signed up to receive.  So I began reading her stuff, doing her meditations and tapping points.  The meditations were helping but while reading through her emails and the stories of past patients I kept seeing a pattern of breakthrough, where patients had an aha moment of what was holding them back.  I had yet to figure that out but I knew it had to be something.  So around January 1st when I was in the whole job crisis situation, I decided to journal about my journey.  Now I am not a diary writer at all so it was kind of hard at first.  I started with where my journey started.  Getting my period.  And that is where I had my aha moment.  Without going into all the details I realized I had/have a very negative attitude towards my uterus.  I hated her, called her names on a regular basis, threatened to have her removed.  (I know some of you are rolling the eyes but whatever).  Anyways, with this realization, I felt I did have my breakthrough.  I started trying to change my attitude, talk nicer, etc, etc.  And I felt a sense of change. My meditations and relaxation sessions became much better and I was able to focus on the goal of everything.  So fast forward to March and us beginning our IVF cycle I ordered a special meditation CD just for the IVF cycle this was probably one of the best things I did. While this should have been the most stressful 2 months of my life with a new job, quota, upcoming sale, IVF etc., listening to that CD every night was incredibly relaxing. I would be sound asleep within minutes of it finishing if not sooner rather than laying in bed half the night wondering if this procedure was going to work.  And no I didn't make K listen to it. I put it on my ipod and just put headphones in. So today I continue to meditate and use the relaxation techniques I learned above. I hope they will help in during labor and in life in general to know when to release the things I cannot control.

What did you just ask me?

I have found that while being pregnant people ask you some of the strangest most personal questions ever.  Maybe this is normal but to me it's kind of rude.  If you know me in real life you know I have a pretty sarcastic personality so I've thought of a few good responses or I just attempt to avoid the questions.  Here are my top 3 so far.  Comments in parenthesis are my thoughts.

1. How much weight have you gained? This was asked by my mother in law while eating dinner with them. Conversation went like this:
MIL: How much weight have you gained?
FIL: That is rude, you shouldn't ask those types of questions?
Me: I'm practically choking on my Chinese trying to think of a good answer.
MIL: Well, I want to know.
K: ummm, not much... trying to stall
FIL: You are being rude!
ME: maybe 20 pounds (like I'm gonna tell you my exact weight lady!)
MIL: hmpf

2. Are you going to breastfeed? I mean seriously, I'm 20ish weeks pregnant what am I supposed to look down at my boobs and ask them if they are going to produce milk and if so for how long? Then ask my baby if she will have any allergies and even be able to drink my milk.  Ugh. Now with this question, I have found you have to watch your answer.  If you say I don't know then for some reason that gives said questioner some magical permission to lecture you on why you should breastfeed. Now this drives me bonkers. Since we were on the path to adoption I never expected to have the opportunity to breastfeed, my babies would be formula fed, I was completely fine with that and still am if that happens to be the case.  I really hate how society tries to guilt trip a mother into feeling bad if she can't or chooses not to breastfeed.  All of the BS of a child will be smarter or healthier is ridiculous.  I have plenty of friends who did whose kids are constantly sick and I have plenty of friends who chose not to...not even just 1 or 2 feedings and their kids are freaking smart!  Some people wear their breastfeeding status around like it's a badge of honor like it makes them a better parent. 

3. What type of birth are you going to have? Now this question is my favorite and involves the in laws again.  So in the middle of the big guns and hoses boxing match I decided to go say hi to the IL's as we weren't sitting with them.  So I wander over during a fight. After a couple of hellos....
MIL:  What type of birth are you going to have (mind you this is in the middle of a fight and you can hardly hear anything due to the noise of the crowd).
Me: WHAT!!!?????? (did she really just ask me what I think she asked me?)
MIL: What type of birth are you planning to have?
Me: What are you talking about?
MIL: Are you going to do Lamaze?
Me: Lamaze??? (said with a very puzzled look on my face, I still can't believe she is asking me this in the middle of a fight and in front of all these people they are sitting with).
MIL: Yes, the Lamaze breathing, are you going to do that?
Me: I don't know (I said that with tons of sarcasm while looking at her like she is crazy)
I quickly said goodbye and headed back to my table.

So why do people want to know what type of birth I'm going to have? Like it has any affect on them.  I do know the whole "natural" birth is very popular and everyone wants to give their opinion but I just don't care.  Now when people ask me I tell them I am having the type of birth where I show up at the hospital and my baby girl is born either natural, pushed, or cut out of me either with drugs or without, I don't care, I just want her out safely.  That usually shuts them up.  My OB asked me the other day if I was going to take a birthing class, I asked her if she was going to make me to which she said no.  I told her my plan and she just laughed and said it sounded good to her and that she and a nurse will be there. Exactly that's all I need and that's why I pay her the big bucks. 

Best Shower Ever!

I had my first shower over the weekend. It was more than I could have ever dreamed of. Absolutely perfect.  Why? Mainly because I never thought I would have a shower.  Figured we would adopt and have a little get together come see the baby and be done with it.  But obviously that was not the case. So what made this shower so special?  Well the main thing is that it was in my favorite theme of pumpkins and they were all painted pink and white with ribbons, polka dots, etc.  They were so cute.  The food was wonderful. Thank you to my dear friend J-he did a fabulous job.  The cake was amazing.  Made by SugarGirl Cakes.  We even had yummy apple crisps and pumpkin bars made by Tis So Sweet Bake Shoppe.  Special fall drinks for those expecting and those who were not. And little martini glasses filled with some of my favorite candies.  I could go on and on but I'll just post a few photos.  Then of course all of the wonderful gifts Baby W got.  I can already tell she will be very spoiled by our friends and family.